Struggling

My thoughts are playing really hard lately. The negative demon is talking then I receive the guilt trip from the husband and I just try to keep going forward.  I madenit to the gym and ran which always calms my mind only to return home to more what about me.  The minute I suggest come with me on our walk the only sound is silence.  I just try to look at this number on my heart rate today and try to break through my negative thoughts with what I REALLY WANT.  at this moment I'd like to drown my feelings into a greedy cheeseburger which I know will hurt my physically.  Why do I do that?

The other thing weighing heavy on my is that my team mates are way closer to one another and I never see them because of my work schedule and commitments.  I am so jealous and feel as if I am the odd strange one that no one likes. 

I am so angry at myself and frustrated that I can't communicate well with others.  I refuse to fake my personality in hopes of making it liked by others.

I so badly want one persons support and approval and I am doubting if that will ever happen.  I'm tired.

Good thing no one visits this blog.